I decided to take several days off after I became stoppable sick, I have been sleeping around the clock, getting rest I seriously need, getting grounded and focusing on my detoxing. I have been allowing the dreaming world to explain things to me, show me clearly what my next steps should be. I have been praying, giving tobacco prayers thanking the spirit world for the next steps. Though after 3 days of keeping to myself, resting, praying, detoxing I still feel off, I feel better but still feel off during which several things have come to me.
The first thing that showed up was stress, the stress I tolerate and put up with from the outside world in the form of humans. I have allowed people for years to abuse me, I told myself I was taking the higher road as I know that what they are doing is not who they are but the passive aggressive limbo they are tragically in. This has been a huge mistake on my part mostly on the part of my body, there is only so much negativity you can hear, deal with and be involved with no matter who you are. I have taken steps over the last 6 months slowly to eliminate such people, news and to be mindful, careful of the grocery store. I go very late these days after the crowds have left. The produce we buy has water in it and that water, plants are directly affected by angry people touching it and then we come home and eat it! I really take my time now to wash the produce in water, with apple cider vinegar and I pray to the water that is in it and sitting in for the health of my being. This lesson is about being in the present moment and breaking the cycle of the passive energy and doing what I can in this moment to make everything more peaceful around me including my food!
Secondly a big discover has been love, not getting it but giving it to whatever I come in contact with that needs it. The whole give and take thing, is another lie I am getting over and again it is part of the separate two path system. I keep hearing my inner voice saying things like: if I could just get some help I could more done, where is the help, where is the community? The truth is that I need nothing if I am unified, whole, not navigating two systems, thoughts, paths I have everything that is needed in me and so do you. I am no longer focused on balancing give and take, I function much better on being in the present moment and giving love, brushing the dog’s fur watching how much the dog loves it and the great’ful’ness it expresses when I am fully there with the dog brushing the dog. Watching the skies for the golden eagle couple that lives right by my house and upon seeing them sending waves of love. Even when I have to trap animals that are doing damage, doing it with love and the feeling of releasing them to a place that gives them exactly what they need to live more naturally in a better space, then following the signs to their right and perfect new home and releasing them. Giving Love all the time, instead of trying to force love on people or attempting to extract love from them, because of false need instilled in me. This whole spiritual give and take see saw. Giving is what we do when we are whole, it is what the creator does, did and has not asked for anything in return? The creator does not need, it just gives.
Third while I was dreaming a few days ago and I want to be clear this is not go to sleep, night time dreaming. This is what is known as the third attention kind of dreaming and traveling to other worlds, dealing with beings from these worlds in an attempt to sort out issues, bring back medicine, get healing for myself and others, ect, ect. This is what real shamanism is about. I am lucky to have been trained coming from a traditional background in shamanism https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shamanism and the people I have trained with and elevated by that process to levels easily by being in their space. So, I drove to the closest body of water and laid on the gravel beach, I started drifting was a very quiet day. I was looking at the sky closed my eyes and the other worldly sky appeared. A large human like hand moved across the sky with a concrete gray looking square. The hand placed the square in the sky and pushed on it as it snapping it in. I noticed a crack in the square and this crack began to suction a white puss like fluid from my body, energy field. When it was removed there was a short break and then the suction started again, this time removing a yellow mucus puss that was thicker and harder to pull towards the square. Then it was completed. The words from Miguel Ruiz scrolled across my inner sky: Do not eat emotional poison! I had not only been eating poison but it was reflecting as energetic puss, energy infection, virus that was affecting me now and if left un-cleared could result in severe power loss, a very sick body and early death in this life. I returned to this world faded off, it was a great nap in the sun, in the silence. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-aFQ5LIOnH4
Fourth is something that one of my amazing teachers who is a Shoshone medicine man, rain maker of the highest levels who keeps working on and with me. His biggest teaching is not putting your sorry, your sad, your happiness or any other emotion on other people, events, history, animals, land and including yourself not putting unnecessary emotions on things, events or people. Something that is not easy to do. I am not talking about being an unfeeling ass. What he is saying is that by me putting my sorry on another person for something that has happened is like a curse. That once a course of thought, feeling becomes an action the person or event cannot shake it. Putting your sorry on someone is also a waste of energy and will come back on you as an event in your life that will make you sorry for yourself. What comes around goes around. Do not think that happiness is different than sorry projected it is not, it is still a projection onto whatever it is or whoever it is. Better to just have non attachment and allow the person or situation to work out for the highest and greatest good, knowing that spirit is doing its job. While we do not project a added mess, adding more confusion and mostly harm. Do no harm or it comes back. Keeping my emotions to myself has been something that has been out of control in my life for a long time. It started when I was about 10, I saw starving children on tv. Broke my little heart and since then I have spent a great deal of time trying to feed people, end their suffering if even for a moment. The key here is not in the feeding of people, helping people, it is in me and how I view it and the emotions I am projecting on them. I have projected my sorry, sad and my own personal guilt for not having more to give in the past. They may have fared better if I had not made the sorry, given them sorry food, sad food, guilty food and left them alone and allowed their great spirit to guide them without the added mess. We like to separate that happy is better than sad, when projecting it possibly may not be, sometimes happiness are not where people are at, it is better to know that everything no matter how it looks is right and perfect, when I give food now, I give it with nothing attached. A link to the teacher I was discussing: http://www.earthwisdomfoundation.net/
Fifth has to do with that sometimes our cells are not ready for change; they have been stuck and can block us from moving forward, freely, passing our own boundaries. In some cases people that pass these boundaries, go for the gold of all they can be also have psychological breaks, major health crisis and even death. I feel that having to hide my family lines, who I am, what I can do in the fear of being killed, destroyed, murdered has created blocks in which my cells are trying to keep me in the box, keep me safe from the harm by creating strange sicknesses. As the my mind changes, as my emotions change and as my cells change, let go moving forward in my work in the public will create much less sickness /separation for me in the future. I was trying to find a story Bruce Lipton tells about a remarkable boy, he plays piano and a concert where he let it all go his brilliance playing his heart out to the highest and greatest, however he believed he did not believe that he was good and by bypassing the system of our own design after he was done playing he had a long term mental break. Sometimes sickness is a way of our bodies protecting us from our best, greatest because our stories from the start have been about us being much less than we are. Programming runs deep. I could not find the story, but will leave you with this:https://www.brucelipton.com/resource/article/insight-cellular-consciousness
And I imagine you might be glad that I have reached the last part and it has to do with my gallbladder which informed me the others day that it was part of the cause of the dizziness I was undergoing. I took this as a signal that it was now playing a separate program from “the body”. The emotional sourness, bitterness of an entire lifetime had created enough damage that the gallbladder was not operating as a part of the unified body system and was under collapse. I spent some time looking into what the positive emotional response is for the gallbladder is, my training only categorized the organs of the body by the negative traits. Laughter was the positive trait and tears are the healing tool. Though my focus is trying to get away from one way or another I have been crying heavily since December 2010 after I did ceremonial DMT. Since that time a whole lot of stuff has been coming up and moving out of my energy body, mostly my emotional body. Bringing my emotional body much closer to my physical that is ever has been. I joke about it having been around china most of my life! I was more than depressed for 6 months after the DMT experience. What I saw and learned shook me in the best way, in the best possible way in the long term and one day something I am going to write about.
The male side where my gallbladder lives is causing stress on my heart on the female side. Maybe like a very unhappy man taking his bitterness out on his wife, he has held it in for a long time and now it appears to be boiling over. My female left side heart has been passively taking the boil over. The brain that unifies them, bridges them is also under attack. War between the sex’s the internal game of passive aggressive is being played out in my body.
What is the common ground between being and doing? And what is the common ground of physical and non physical? What is the place where unity exists? As I unravel and the spirit world reveals the information to me step by step, as I ask deeper questions, desiring deeper truths, I can only do what is offered until the complete healing through unification of the physical and non take place within me thus effecting out of me and in the long run healing these issues in me will heal them in our Earth Mother and eventually all beings. Getting both feet on the same path in the same direction, out of the polarity and duality into the omnipresent being.
Grow Food, Be Free and Live for a Living!