A Trigger for me is an item, song, thought that shows up to transport you by person or by spirit to another place for teachings, education or knowledge. It is also graced my path to let me know there is a new cycle or the end of a cycle. However it is not always black and white to tell and you might not ever know which type of trigger has been or is being activated; I myself am still on a learning curve.
About 3 years ago I had a dream about this average reddish/pinkish brick with two very different American kinds of flags, later on when I came across the brick were actually stenciled on. In the dream I was looking at the brick very close up, having no idea what the pics on the brick fully meant as it was the only imagine in the dream. turns out that the brick was a completion trigger, the brick was an ending cycle. Please see pic that is on top of blog, real brick being discussed here.
I woke up from the dream thinking what the hell? A brick with American Flags symbols painted on it? What does this mean? Attack on American soil? War? There was such a lack of information in this dream other than this extremely close up look at the brick; I could not mistake it when I actually came upon the brick a year later.
I have been basically living out of my car since 2006 when I lost everything I owned, it happens. I do some couch hopping when available, as I work getting myself back up on the pony. I actually have funded projects these days but waiting for them to start and the money end always takes the longest to come into play. In my someday everything will be great, over the last few years life has been hard.
I had just moved out to the area where I attended high school to live with a old friend from high school. Every day I took my dog for a walk around this small town taking in changes since I was last there growing up. Within the first week I came across this brick, literally in an empty sand dune lot just sitting there. I instantly knew this brick! I stood there for quite awhile contemplating what it means? What should I do? I decided to pick it up and take it with me. Just one day later I was moving out of the couch hop as my friend who had another friend living “in” him let me know it was time for me to leave. We will call this friend living in my friend Demonic, with eye color changes and all. I have learned that some people love demonic beings, it gives them power they desire and justifications for their behavior that are right. It is best to leave right away and allow them to work it out unless they ask for help.
I now added this brick to my van which was about six months, and then I put it into my storage shed for about year and half. Then a few weeks ago another friend of mine wanted to gift me a small travel trailer to live in up the hill for helping her cure her bone cancer. I just had to start paying rent on the rv space for it. I was so excited! Finally a place of my own where I can get some long waited writing done, a space by myself that was cheap and I could afford it. Finally a home!
There were several things that should have been warnings to me that this was not a forever home, maybe a month at the longest. It was meant to be a turnstile. A forced or pushed from behind kind of thrust so you get through a door way with no way of turning around or coming back. You know one of those metal turn wheels that regulate people like in a sub way, one at a time and you cannot go back through. One way only, forward!
I dug through storage and got items out for the new place! Two items that people might think would be strange was the brick and this highly developed energy being rock. The day before I am suppose to move up the hill my friend starts calling me acting a fool. I still have no idea, not one idea what was going on with her and the trailer. That night I have a dream that three native, indigenous grandmothers were at the trailer in the rv park they were wrapping the trailer in a long prayer blanket counter clockwise they said that they had to straighten out the energy that was currently there. The prayers on the blanket encouraging that existing energy to go backwards, reversing the energies there, un create themselves. The Grandmothers (ancestors) then smudged the trailer and prayed over it in a language I did not understand. Then I woke up, I felt great about moving up the hill now it was the first time the grandmothers had worked with me in the dreaming world and came to my aid, was a huge gift and honor.
I spend a whole day scrubbing and cleaning the dog urine that was extreme on the floors in the trailer and then I cleared everything out that was not needed and moved my stuff in and unpacked. Just when I finally finished setting everything up, I was setting down to write, get some work done, finally there was quiet, I felt good and BAM. A man pulls up to the trailer, who I did not know, was literally trying to come into the trailer. I stepped outside to gently confront him. Good news my dog was not happy, the man knew that he may be able to push me around but my dog was a whole other deal. One thing I have learned over the last 4 years is that people will do all kinds of rude, mindless harm to people: hit, stab, steal, lie, scream, push themselves onto you will not cease unless you have a loaded gun or a big dog that looks pretty protective and even trained! It is a last straw and they will move on when they cannot push anymore towards their desired goal. My dog has literally saved me from rape, carjacking (3 times), abuse, ect.
This time was no different the only reason this man backed off was my dog. Finally he left, turns out that he was the ex husband of the friend of mine who left town and gave me the trailer to live in. after three hours of dealing with this guy, he finally left and I knew that whatever was going on with the man and my friend was not good and I could not stay there, just felt dangerous to me. I pack all my shit up over the next morning into my van. I then pulled out a blanket put it under a tree with my dog on the grass. We stared at the clouds, the sky and napped for like 6 hours. That was a great healing day. The last couple of things I needed to pack up were the energy being rock and the brick. The rock and the brick were both speaking to me of staying there. I picked up the rock and found it an amazing home under this tree, the color of the rock started to turn into a dark green, I knew it was happy and doing the work that it had traveled with me for. Put tobacco prayers over it and left it.
I went back, picked up the brick and began looking for a right place for it. Wondering if someone else will dream about it and find it there where I will place it? I was still trying to figure out what the meaning of this brick was? Why I dreamt about it and later found it, carried it to this very place to leave it? Was beginning to think it meant nothing? Just part of the world I live in, strange.
I found a place under a tree for it, placed tobacco prayers on it and got into my van. I was getting ready to head off back down into Reno again, confused more than ever but great’ful no bad or harm had come to me. Then I heard this voice tell me to take a picture of the brick I might need it. I turned the van off, got out, grabbed my tablet and snapped a really close photo of the brick. That is the moment that I saw the exact image of the brick in my dream It meant to me that right now is the moment I had come to with the brick, a very important trigger here.
How do I make sure I greet this moment and opportunity properly?
I just looked as this trailer situation as the same kind of event that has happened over and over in my life, not just with living, but people in general and that it was tied to 1982 when the first Physical, mental and emotional trespass was made on me by men. This event was to play on for 30 years and it had scar’d me, brought me some continued damage. I also knew that the eclipse was also asking me to close this door, was giving me an opportunity and the brick was the trigger, the auspicious development.
This last eclipse was the book end to close that cycle that was started in 1982. The brick was the notification of the turnstile, that this is the moment I had been lead into with the brick as the trigger and what was I going to do?
I walked through the turnstile, closing the door on the past and drove off creating a new pattern of trust in the magic of my guides and beings who help me all the time, who arranged for the dream of the brick that lead up to years of carrying it to the right place during a perfect planetary alignment to close a thirty year door of pain, abuse, suffering, violence upon my person by men.
The next thirty years I choose sunsets and sunrises, laying on blankets under a tree all day long, watching clouds, letting my consciousness drift and sometimes I will get the chance to write about such things!
You still have time, the eclipse energy is still current o help you finalize your own past right now and start a new thirty year cycle of what you intend or you can unconsciously just keep playing this theme out until you are offered yet another chance again in the thirty years!
http://www.timeanddate.com/eclipse/blood-moon.html this ticket is good until the next eclipse!
Grow Food, Be Free and Live for a Living!
Failure or Time to Let GO…
The last couple of months I have been tossing around feelings and mental processes in regards to what I seem to deem as failure/s on the road called My life. In this day many people spouting new age beliefs about there is no such thing as failure? Then why is it a deeply programmed system within us? Why does failure appear constantly in the back grounds of our minds playing out causing giant waves of guilt flowing over about everything we say, eat, do or even think?
On this road called my life I walk “The Path”, The Red Road which I have learned from teachers of the First Nations People’s of many tribes. The road unlike new age is not meant to make you feel good, it is meant to bring you into relationship with all that exists and the long term is to bring you into complete and total balance, to the center of your personal medicine or wheel. Unlike a see saw a wheel pivoting on the center can become extremely off balanced with a wrong step, even small.
Take a round disked object and place it in the tip of your little finger in the very middle section make sure the disk does not have a hole. The Cherokee tell us that our wheel is suspended in the universe from the four direction edges that anything can break the string attached to each direction. You can see that your place on the wheel in the middle takes awareness, stability, attention because in one minute the whole wheel can fall from its balanced place. When the wheel leans to one direction because we lose our ability to be in balance because we have “checked” out in some manner something has stolen and is holding our attention or energy away from the balanced place in the center of our wheel which was holding everything in relationship to us in balance. This cheese if you will, will slide of the cracker. You will then have to work very hard to get that piece of cheese not only back onto that cracker but you will have to do it with will / attention because you cannot step off to gather the experiences or cheese to put it back on, mostly you will not have the awareness or attention by practice needed to complete such a feat.
So now we have another issue that comes into play called: holding on. Holding on is not the same as balance or center. Holding on is a reaction to the world we live in when what we do, are taught does not exactly work in our big picture of keeping what we want. It happened by our attention being grabbed away from our self, our balance, our center and yes we allowed it by not having constant awareness. We may feel we have been caught off guard this is a figment of our illusion of blame. We choose for whatever reason to be pulled off or allow ourselves to be pulled off by what we may also be called drama. When we take a bold step towards what has grabbed our attention, the wheel leans and the experiences, resources, relationships scoot to the edge when we see this we stop where we are so that they do not fall off, that we do not loose them and we begin an old pattern of holding on to. We stay that way sometimes for an entire life, never either allowing things to fall off into the abyss or to take a step back into balance. Holding on is a reaction to loosing what we have, however it is our blame since we were the ones that created our person wheel to become so far out of balance as to allow things to slide off. In a balanced place on the center of our person wheel there is not loose or gain and there is plenty of room for everything along the circle of our wheel. Where our bundles of experiences, relationships, resources are placed by spirit during our life and when it becomes full then we pass gracefully on to live again with a new wheel to fill up. Holding on is a reaction to loosing something or someone.
If our ability cannot retain it, hold on to it then we move into failure pattern. If we did not want it then we can in some cases let go and if we choose to do nothing we hold on never doing anything else but that until we croak. Never moving forward, backwards or allowing new experiences. Having full possibilities and potential comes from being at the center of your personal wheel in balance with all your relations, your relationships to everything here in this world. In the biggest part of this relationship can, will include your relationship even to the grass you mow in your yard, you know the one we put toxic chemicals on every year which is a step out of balance with that grass, a step out of balance with the earth and a step out of balance in our families and pets health. We are out of balance all the time day in and out have zero awareness because we have NOT the ability to hold the attention necessary to be in balance at the center of our wheel which makes us an observer in balance with all relations. Even the grass pays when our wheel tips. When we want more and try to find ways to manipulate this world, control this world, to force this world for say more money causes a huge out of balance with all the relations. Something will have to be offered to create a new balance on the wheel from the force of say the money to be brought on the wheel in an unnatural way. Something will have to suffer in the re-balancing, there is always a trade. Maybe the health of your child slides off the wheel because to tipped it in the direction of more money. Eventually your child dies because of that weight and pull that drove to the manipulation to misuse our energy, our attention and the tipping of our personal wheel. By the way our Wheel can cause the tipping pivoting of the Earths personal wheel because all of OUR wheels along with all living things on her are her relations and experiences. First Nation people teach me that you take something, force something and something else will pay for it to adjust or attempt to adjust the wheel back into balance.
Of Course we want what we want in that minute, that week but is it worth it in the end? Most will never know because there is not enough awareness to understand what you are trying to get versus the consequences down the road and what must be giving up. Everything that comes to you in a balance way jives with what is already have on your wheel and in your life and extreme force, conjuring will changes everything I have seen it wipe a whole wheel off, the loose of everything. You may, all of sudden get a slice of consciousness, maybe even get a blink of understanding of what has been done, but the two main stay patterns still exist in you and the strongest is that of going into holding on, do not take another step please god save my kid, but still cannot connect all the dots or adopt a center of balance to full see that your desires, want an attempts to pull them on to your wheel tilting it started to erase the child’s life from your wheel, from your reality in attempt to balance it. Then there is the anger that emerges because GOD did not save your child, because you created an out of balance wheel and the health of your kid was traded for more money, a husband, a house, another drink and whatever else we desire. I know that this seems like such a harsh way to put it but it applies to anything and everything we have a relationship with. We could lose our home in the same manner.
Please remember that I am trying to write about something that I myself have had to learn and most of this teaching does not have a language, it comes in a transfer from the teacher to the student. If it sounds like one hand clapping kind of dialog and you cannot grasp it, please just let it simmer in you and maybe it will become something from in you down the road.
The New Ager’s like to tell us that the choice is between fear and love. It seems like a simple choice; however in my teachings of what I have been taught fear is a byproduct. That our choice is to always be in balance in the center of our wheel and that is that, there is nothing worldly to gain like love or fear, good or bad ceases to exist and becomes the truth of being and is what it is, without all the labels or mess, clutter that this world makes up and we assimilate into the subconscious mind.
When something shows up that steals our untrained attention and we react out of fear which is the byproduct it underwent the deeper layers of emotion we could say or unconscious behavior, our auto pilot default system first. The fear, savior, do something always is the first defense what we do not usually see or feel are the under working chemicals / emotions that when we build awareness and personal work with ourselves will show themselves. So we have fear which is the first defense, the next layer down is the anger, which can flare up if the fear activation, the do something does not hold up. Then we use the anger default program and usually whatever made it through can be stopped once we over react, become a nightmare or wild animal. However the deeper level that most people will never see unless they do some heavy personal work is the guilt. The anger trigger is such a strong one that it keeps anyone including ourselves from every seeing the guilt, ever. We may feel the guilt as panic attacks; I feel that most heart issues are related to the guilt program that is like a gene of some kind of genetic program within us.
We live in a way that we cannot see the guilt and in some cases there is simple no vocabulary for it, I have found in my own life that it is a societal workings and early on in your life the training of it came in looks, grunts and other non vocabulary behavior from everyone around you. Which makes it that much more complicated to bring into a frame work of understanding. This guilt not only triggers the holding on pattern but it also triggers that failure process in us and in some case the giving up which is basically no different than the holding on. Since both of them stop any progress in any direction for a length of time or life time. When we can start to notice, step into the guilt which means we are going to have to feel it, sit with it, we are not going to be able to our think through it, since it is a non verbal arrangement. Our choice to break through so that we may gain some kind of balance on our wheel in ourselves is to sit with the suffering of it, the panic of it and do nothing, offer no reaction and each time we do so we let go of it a bit more, the hold it has over us. How you came to this place does not matter, who is to blame does not matter those are reactions, illusions the subconscious needs to throw up to keep you from looking and dealing with the feeling of intensity that guilt is and the chemical triggers that our brain under goes whenever the system is breached by such things that expose it.
What I am attempting to offer here is that when we move into, we react to, we get stuck places of holding on or giving up in the process of failure that is a chemical trigger in the brain causing it to seem so much more that it is, we should sit, even lock yourself in a closet if you must, hold yourself, breath and let it go. When your wheel of life has been leaning so harshly to one side and the people, relationships, resources are sliding off the end or about to, just step back to the center, hold yourself and let go of whatever it is that may be gone now, that may have slide off and know that there is much more to add to your wheel of experiences today, tomorrow by keeping yourself aware, not giving up or holding on as reactions to failure and the inner guilt. I leave with a pray. As I know this process is walking straight up hill with no visible path kind. You have to find your own way and keep trying until your wheel is in full balance and you are the center of your personal wheel and personal universe.
May you continue to bring yourself to the center of your personal wheel in a good way. May you become balanced with all your relations in a good way. May you learn to hold your attention to the place of balance with in you, thus holding the balance for all things here in a good way. May you find your balance in a good way to hold a piece of balance for our precious Mother Earth before it is too late.
So it is, so shall it be, NOW! AHO
Grow Food, Be Free and Live For a Living,