Traversing Being Authentic…

A group of Blue Wildebeest (Connochaetes taurinus) rossing the Mara River during the Great Migration, Maasai Mara National Reserve, Rift Valley, Kenya, Africa
A group of Blue Wildebeest (Connochaetes taurinus) rossing the Mara River during the Great Migration, Maasai Mara National Reserve, Rift Valley, Kenya, Africa

Every year especially over the last 14 to 15 years I periodically notice my personal growth with overcoming mind set. I think mind set is a neutral way for considering what we base our choices on in life without placing blame. Ultimately we made the choices, we did it.

For a long time I used words like training, mind control, systems that created involuntary choices we make. Because the basic honest bottom line is that If we were really faced with the truth and took it in whole heartily we would stop making most of the choices we do.

There is a place here with me now that seems to be like some gap, counter energy flow, an unknown place that I recently found, have come to. It is not familiar place to me. I have been working toward just balance this last year. Balance in the big sense than the see saw we usual interact with, either this or that, bad or good, this system usually only has 2 sides with nothing in the middle, back and forth usually rapidly. Balance that I am interacting with can have 4 sides in sometimes 5, 6 or 7. Mostly 4 are constant.

Balance and a greater being of balance does require a huge amount of personal work. I have been shocked at how much so, but my old tendencies are to fall off my wheel, my resources side off the ends, or I give away energy / resources to everyone. No Matter What I get back to the center even if I have to make that in a crawl, climb or mental break down my focus has been to get back to the center of my wheel. My disadvantage has been of never having been in the center of my own wheel. Learning as I go.

I am offering a link here to my last blog about what I am learning about my personal wheel which I think might be a good read. The language of what I am learning in a deep way is complicated and no existent. You maybe, might read my writing with the eye/s of your heart to get a feeling for it and less about what it says or how it reads. http://ministryofconsciousnessnevada.org/?p=415

Okay I want to get to what I wanted to write about today, focus here. This place I have reached on the path, the RED ROAD if you will. This is the path of the finally crossing to the beginning of the relationship to the “real” or authentic self. Another path of discovery and quite possibly for me the scariest place I have ever been.

The door to your heart that finally comes off and jumping into the raging {water] energy stream. Yep, I am standing on the edge of a huge, fast flowing river, big waves, dangerous and a journey in real life most of us could not make if you had to. Yesterday I came across the River of change, just walked right up on it crossed my path. The river washed out my main path long ago. When I reached it, the sure intensity of it just created feelings of throwing in the towel, quitting, done, cannot mustard the energy to give it a good go anymore. Facing that river crossing my path was like the last thing I am feeling I can deal with right now.

Yesterday while I was contemplating the river, the crossing and if I was to toss myself off with no equipment, off the edge sink or swim, Live or Die! For about an hour I had this sense of me that is beyond the ins and outs, the day to day, I suspect some people call it the higher self. However, for me it was the authentic me without the connections to the things in the world. “Be in the world but not of it” might be the most accurate statement. What downloaded in me, the presence I was in that moment shifted me into a state at how insignificant it all is, like running from an angry bear with no end; Same thing day in and out. The understanding of being in two worlds but not attached to anything the one in which my body lives in. In a good way.

I have started my ascent down to the river bank, I began the process of getting ready to throw myself, full self into that river/energy stream, forever leaving the path I was on. Today I have a sense of excitement, adventure, a new journey close and closer to whom I am being.

Tomorrow may be the day, I jump in, I know it is close as I can feel the sadness, sorrow, unworthiness, worthlessness, hopelessness leaving me as if it was never there, never belonged to me the authentic me, but was very much a part of the doing everything right me.

Maybe having your heaven on earth “life” requires a full surrender tossing yourself into what you resist most? Pressing that edge they talk about in physical yoga where your pain and suffering are met.

When you get here or maybe you have been there sitting on that bank for a long time now, maybe your lifetime? I am putting Trust in you that you will make the right choice for yourself, your place of fully letting go maybe be more like a cross road or maybe you build a bridge to the other side? The most important thing I can say to you: you have to trust it and you have to trust yourself in a way that no matter what happens, even if you die that you are okay, everything is okay, it is your next transition, next raging river crossing your path. How long will it take you to jump with enthusiasm into the next adventure of self? Spirit is waking for you there.

Cow A Bunga Dude!

May you get past the charged, scared feelings, the panic that traps you, in a good way. May you toss yourself fully without restraint towards excitement and joy in a good way. May you, may you transmute the mental clutter into silence and knowledge in a good way.

Grow Food, Be Free and Live for a Living!
COE